All these jokes have been pre-approved as funny by me.

I had a bag of Fritos, they were Texas grilled Fritos. These Fritos had grill marks on them. They remind me of summer, when we used to fire up the barbeque and throw down some Fritos. I can still see my dad with the apron on. Better flip that Frito, dad, you know how I like it.

You know they call corn-on-the-cob, "corn-on-the-cob", but that's how it comes out of the ground. They should just call it corn, and every other type of corn, corn-off-the-cob. It's not like if someone cut off my arm they would call it "Mitch", but then re-attached it, and call it "Mitch-all-together".

I tried to freshen up a room, so I held a Certs in front of a fan.

I went to a record store, they said they specialized in hard-to-find records. Nothing was alphabetized!

When you open the elevator on the top floor of a building and the other guy doesn't get out, something is seriously wrong.

I got an ant farm; them fellas didn't grow sh*t.