Have you ever tried sugar or PCP?

They say the recipe for Sprite is lemon and lime. I tried to make it at home. There's more to it than that.

Escalator temporarily stairs. Sorry for the convenience.

If I had a dollar for every time I said that, I'd be making money in a very weird way.

If you don't know a light bulb is a three-way light bulb, it messes with your head. You reach to turn it off, and it just gets brighter! That's the exact opposite of what I wanted you to do! So you turn the switch again, and it gets brighter once more! I will break you, light bulb!

If I'm out to dinner with a group of friends, and somebody offers to pay for the check, I immediately reach for my wallet. Inside is a note that says, "Say thanks!"

A lollipop is a cross between hard candy and garbage.