Have you ever tried sugar or PCP?

My friend said to me, You know what I like? Mashed potatoes. I was like, Dude, you have to give me time to guess. If you're going to quiz me you have to insert a pause.

My friend asked me if I wanted a frozen banana. I said 'No, but I want a regular banana later, so... yeah.'

I hate turkeys. If you stand in the meat section at the grocery store long enough, you start to get mad at turkeys. There's turkey ham, turkey bologna, turkey pastrami. Some one needs to tell the turkey, 'man, just be yourself.'

I put fruit on top of my waffles, because I want something to brush off.

XM radio doesn't have commercials, so after about thirty minutes of listening to it, I'm like, "What should I buy?"

I would imagine that if you could understand Morse code, a tap dancer would drive you crazy.