When someone hands you a flyer, it's like they're saying here you throw this away.

I think animal crackers make people think that all animals taste the same.

Dogs are forever in the push up postion.

I have a roommate, and I signed a year lease. I screwed up! That's like I wrote a joke that didn't work, but now I have to tell it for a year.

If a drink was ice cold, it would be impossible to drink. Because it would be solid. Here's a drink, Mitch - it's ice cold. I guess I could lick it.

I have a few cavities. I don't like to call them cavities, though - I like to call them 'places to put stuff'. 'Do you know where I can store a pea' 'Yes, I have some locations available.'

I was going to get my teeth whitened, but I said, "I'll just get a tan instead."