I don't like grouper fish. Well, they're okay. They hang around star fish. Because they're grouper fish.

I want to get non-aerosol mace, you just rub it in. "Dude who is attacking me - come a little closer!"

Earlier I`ve done hatever I could get my hands on to do for a living. I tried a couple of different things, but kitchen work was the best for me, because I took to a nomadic lifestyle before I started doing comedy. If you travel and get to a town and need a job, restaurants are always there.

Pepperidge Farm bread. That's fancy bread. You can tell it's fancy because it's wrapped twice. You open it, and it still isn't open. That's why I don't buy it. I don't need another step between me and toast.

I'm not into sports. I mean...I like Gatorade, but that's as far as it goes.

Well, that's a 'fresher'. I'm going on break.

I played golf... I did not get a hole in one, but I did hit a guy. That's way more satisfying.