If you have to release bad news to the public, it would help if you are not ugly.

If you don't know a light bulb is a three-way light bulb, it messes with your head. You reach to turn it off, and it just gets brighter! That's the exact opposite of what I wanted you to do! So you turn the switch again, and it gets brighter once more! I will break you, light bulb!

I don't have a microwave oven, but I do have a clock that occasionally cooks stuff.

A waffle is like a pancake with a syrup trap.

Kittens play with yarn, they bat it around. What they're really doing is saying, "I can't knit, get this away from me!"

If you have to release bad news to the public, it would help if you are not ugly.

I want to get non-aerosol mace, you just rub it in. "Dude who is attacking me - come a little closer!"