I saw a human pyramid once. It was very unnecessary. It did not need to exist.

I play the guitar. I taught myself how to play the guitar, which was a bad decision... because I didn't know how to play it, so I was a shitty teacher. I would never have went to me.

I can't eat spaghetti. There's too many of them.

I played golf... I did not get a hole in one, but I did hit a guy. That's way more satisfying.

I would imagine the inside of a bottle of cleaning fluid is really clean. I would imagine a vodka bottle is really drunk.

Because of acid, I now know that butter is way better than margarine.

I called the hotel operator and she said, "How can I direct your call?" I said, "Well, you could say 'Action!', and I'll begin to dial. And when I say 'Goodbye', then you can yell 'Cut!'"