I like rice. Rice is great if you're hungry and want 2000 of something picketing, but I don't know how to show it.

I think animal crackers make people think that all animals taste the same.

I saw this wino, he was eating grapes. I was like, "Dude, you have to wait".

I had a stick of CareFree gum, but it didn't work. I felt pretty good while I was blowing that bubble, but as soon as the gum lost its flavor, I was back to pondering my mortality.

I had to take a physical to do this show. They had a lot of weird questions like, "Have you ever tried sugar or PCP?"

I met the girl who works at the Doubletree front desk, she gave me her number. It's ZERO. I tried to call from here, some other woman answered. "You sound older!"

I like cinnamon rolls, but I don't always have time to make a pan. That's why I wish they would sell cinnamon roll incense. After all I'd rather light a stick and have my roommate wake up with false hopes.