I like to smoke a pipe, because it's the punch line indicator. Whenever I take a hit of the pipe, you should be laughing.

If I was a locksmith, I'd be pimping that out man. I'll trade you a free key duplication for. That joke made me laugh before I could finish it, which is good, because it had no ending.

I saw this wino, he was eating grapes. I was like, "Dude, you have to wait".

Every time I walk by a spy shop, I think that I need to put some surveillance on somebody. Rick's been acting fishy! I need to buy a safe that looks like a Spray 'N Wash can. "Hey, Mitch, can I use the Spray 'N Wash?" "Yeah, if you want to spray your shirt with documents!"

I rented a car. I didn't really need one, I just wanted to make one less available. I wanted one businessman on the bus with no car.

I tried to throw a yo-yo away. It was impossible.

I find a duck's opinion of me is very much influenced by whether or not I have bread.