I don't have a girlfriend. I just know a girl who would get really mad if she heard me say that.

I don't have any children, but if I had a baby, I would have to name it, so I would get a baby-naming book. Or I would invite somebody over who had a cast on.

I like the public hot-tub at the hotels. I like when a guy is already in there, I say, "Hey, do you mind if I join you?" Then I go turn the heat up, and I add some carrots and onions.

Every book is a children's book if the kid can read!

I cannot tell you what hotel I'm staying at, but there are two trees involved.

I'm not into sports. I mean...I like Gatorade, but that's as far as it goes.

So, I sit at the hotel at night and I think of something that's funny. Or, If the pen is too far away, I have to convince myself that what I thought of wasn't funny.