I used to do drugs. I still do drugs. But I used to, too.

I get the Reese's candy bar. You look at that, there's an apostrophe-s there. That means the candy bar is his. I didn't know that. Next time you're eating a Reese's candy bar, and a guy named Reese comes by and says, "Gimme that", you better hand it over.

I saw on HBO they were advertising a boxing match "It's a fight to the finish". That's a good place to end.

I saw a guy juggling chain saws, it was cool, unless something needed to be sawed down, then it's annoying.

If I'm out to dinner with a group of friends, and somebody offers to pay for the check, I immediately reach for my wallet. Inside is a note that says, "Say thanks!"

I had my palm read. I wrote something on it first to see if she would read that too.

I mumble a lot when im off stage, so a lot of times when im with a friend i'll say something and he'll be like what, and i'll say it again and he'll be like what, and i'll say it again and he'll still be like what, so now he's got me yellin. Man that tree is far away