I had my palm read. I wrote something on it first to see if she would read that too.

I've always wanted to have a suitcase handcuffed to my wrist. That's not a full joke there! It's filler.

On a traffic light green means 'go' and yellow means 'yield', but on a banana it's just the opposite. Green means 'hold on,' yellow means 'go ahead,' and red means, 'where the hell did you get that banana at?'

I wrote a letter to my Dad - I wrote, "I really enjoy being here," but I accidentally wrote rarely instead of really. But I still wanted to use it, so I wrote, "I rarely drive steamboats, Dad - there's a lot of stuff you don't know about me. Quit trying to act like I'm a steamboat operator." This letter took a harsh turn right away.

It's hard to dance if you just lost your wallet. Whoa Where's my wallet But, hey this song is funky.

The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I'll never be as good as a wall.

I don't like grouper fish. Well, they're okay. They hang around star fish. Because they're grouper fish.