I saw a guy juggling chain saws, it was cool, unless something needed to be sawed down, then it's annoying.

I went to a record store, they said they specialized in hard-to-find records. Nothing was alphabetized!

I had a paper route when I was a kid. I was supposed to go to 2,000 houses. Or two dumpsters.

Then let's print up some flyers!

A minibar is a machine that makes everything expensive. When I take something out of the minibar, I always fathom that I'll go and replace it before they check it off, but they make that stuff impossible to replace. I go to the store and ask, 'Do you have coke in a glass harmonica ...Do you have individually wrapped cashews'

I bought myself a parrot, but it did not say "I'm hungry", and so it died.

Because of acid, I now know that butter is way better than margarine.