I saw a guy juggling chain saws, it was cool, unless something needed to be sawed down, then it's annoying.

I can't eat spaghetti. There's too many of them.

I had to take a physical to do this show. They had a lot of weird questions like, "Have you ever tried sugar or PCP?"

I'm a mumbler. If I'm walking with a friend, and I say something, he says, "What?" So I say it again, and he says, "What?" Really, it's just some insignificant stuff I'm saying, but now I'm yelling, "That tree is far away!"

I went to the store and bought eight apples; the clerk said, "Do you want these in a bag?" I said, "Oh, no, man, I juggle."

My girlfriend works at Hooters. In the kitchen.

If carrots got you drunk, rabbits would be messed-up.