I saw on HBO they were advertising a boxing match "It's a fight to the finish". That's a good place to end.

I got binoculars 'cause I don't want to go that close.

I got a smoke alarm at home, but really it's more like a 9-volt-battery-slowly-drainer.

Why are there no "during" pictures?

P.S. - This is what part of the alphabet would look like if Q and R were eliminated.

I'm a hard act to follow, because when I'm done, I take the microphone with me.

When we were on acid, we would go into the woods, because there was less chance that you would run into an authority figure. But we ran into a bear. My friend Duane was there, raising his right hand, swearing to help prevent forest fires. He told me, "Mitchell, Smokey is way more intense in person!"