I saw on HBO they were advertising a boxing match "It's a fight to the finish". That's a good place to end.

If Spiderman was real, and I was a criminal, and he shot me with his web, I would say, "Dude, thanks for the hammock."

I'm into carpooling, because sometimes my car gets hot and needs to refresh itself.

A waffle is like a pancake with a syrup trap.

I like vending machines, because snacks are better when they fall. If I buy a candy bar at the store, oftentimes I will drop it so that is achieves its maximum flavor potential.

I got two stools, in case I want to sit down and sit down again on something else.

I called the hotel operator and she said, "How can I direct your call?" I said, "Well, you could say 'Action!', and I'll begin to dial. And when I say 'Goodbye', then you can yell 'Cut!'"