A sleeping bag is a tortilla for a human.

I'm an ice sculptor. Last night I made a cube.

I hate turkeys. If you stand in the meat section at the grocery store long enough, you start to get mad at turkeys. There's turkey ham, turkey bologna, turkey pastrami. Some one needs to tell the turkey, 'man, just be yourself.'

One time I was forced to go to the doctors because of a sports accident. Herpes.

I don't have any children, but if I had a baby, I would have to name it, so I would get a baby-naming book. Or I would invite somebody over who had a cast on.

I hate flossing, I wish I just had one long curvy tooth. They didn't have to make separations for me.

If you can't sleep, count sheep. Don't count endangered animals. You will run out.