The customer’s always right.

I miss the $2 bill, 'cause I can break a two. $20, no. $10, no. $5, maybe, $2? Oh yeah. What do you need, a one and another one?

I had a paper route when I was a kid. I was supposed to go to 2,000 houses. Or two dumpsters.

Onions make me sad, a lot of people don't realize that. When I'm cutting onions, I'm sad. Because the plight of onions, it's sad. But people don't realize I'm actually crying - they think I'm just reacting.

Yeah, I'm not into sports. If someone told me I had athlete's foot, I'd say that's not my foot!

2-in-1 is a stupid term, because 1 is not big enough to hold 2. That's why 2 was created.

When I was on acid, I would see things like beams of light and I would hear sounds that sounded an awful lot like car horns.