The customer’s always right.

I played in a death-metal band. People either loved us or hated us. Or they thought we were OK.

I don't have a girlfriend. I just know a girl who would get really mad if she heard me say that.

I like vending machines, because snacks are better when they fall.

I mumble a lot when im off stage, so a lot of times when im with a friend i'll say something and he'll be like what, and i'll say it again and he'll be like what, and i'll say it again and he'll still be like what, so now he's got me yellin. Man that tree is far away

I wish they made fajita cologne, because that stuff smells good. What's that you're wearing? That's sizzlin'!

I hate arrows. They try to tell me which direction to go. It's like "I ain't going that way, line with two thirds of a triangle on the end!"