My sister Wendy has a husband and two children, and they have a family photo on top of the VCR, where they're all looking slightly to the left. As though something is going on over there! I guess something happened over to the left that made everybody happy! Except my sister is cross-eyed, so she can't quite pull it off. One eye is right-on.

I have no problem not listening to the Temptations.

I tried to walk into Target, but I missed. I think the entrance to Target should have people splattered all around.

I like the public hot-tub at the hotels. I like when a guy is already in there, I say, "Hey, do you mind if I join you?" Then I go turn the heat up, and I add some carrots and onions.

I have an idea for sweatshops: air conditioning! That's simple. 14 year old boys working twelve hour days? "Yeah, but they're comfortable!"

I went to a record store, they said they specialized in hard-to-find records. Nothing was alphabetized!

You should never tell someone they have a nice dimple, because maybe they were shot in the face with a BB gun.