My sister Wendy has a husband and two children, and they have a family photo on top of the VCR, where they're all looking slightly to the left. As though something is going on over there! I guess something happened over to the left that made everybody happy! Except my sister is cross-eyed, so she can't quite pull it off. One eye is right-on.

Well, that's a 'fresher'. I'm going on break.

An escalator can never break: it can only become stairs.

I want to get a job naming kitchen appliances. That seems easy; refrigerator, toaster, blender. You just say what the thing does and add "er".

I was going to get my teeth whitened, but I said, "I'll just get a tan instead."

I like baked potatoes. I don't have a microwave oven, and it takes forever to bake a potato in a conventional oven. Sometimes I'll just throw one in there, even if I don't want one, because by the time it's done, who knows?

I'm sick of Soup Of The Day, man. It's time we make a decision. I need to know what Soup From Now On is.