My sister Wendy has a husband and two children, and they have a family photo on top of the VCR, where they're all looking slightly to the left. As though something is going on over there! I guess something happened over to the left that made everybody happy! Except my sister is cross-eyed, so she can't quite pull it off. One eye is right-on.

I would like it if four people did a cartwheel all at once... so I can make a cart.

So, I sit at the hotel at night and I think of something that's funny. Or, If the pen is too far away, I have to convince myself that what I thought of wasn't funny.

Kittens play with yarn, they bat it around. What they're really doing is saying, "I can't knit, get this away from me!"

I want to get non-aerosol mace, you just rub it in. "Dude who is attacking me - come a little closer!"

I find a duck's opinion of me is very much influenced by whether or not I have bread.

If you're a fish and you want to be a fish-stick, you have to have very good posture.