I was at a bar, and this guy bumped into me, and he did not apologize, and he said, "Move!" I thought that was rude, so I said, "Go to hell!" Then I started to run. He caught up to me. He had a mustache, a goatee, a pair of earrings, sunglasses, a ponytail and he was wearing a hat. He said, "Hey, you got a lot of nerve!" I said, "Hey, you got a lot of... cranium accessories!"
Mitch HedbergI love blackjack. But I'm not addicted to gambling. I'm addicted to sitting in a semi circle.
Mitch HedbergI'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're goin', and hook up with them later.
Mitch Hedberg