If you drink O'Douls, you don't drink; but if you drink 20 O'Douls in a half hour, then you're a non-alcoholic.

I used to do drugs. I still do drugs. But I used to, too.

I like Kit-Kat, unless I'm with four or more people.

If I was a locksmith, I'd be pimping that out man. I'll trade you a free key duplication for. That joke made me laugh before I could finish it, which is good, because it had no ending.

I cannot tell you what hotel I'm staying at, but there are two trees involved.

I'd like to get four people who do cart wheels very good, and make a cart.

If I had nine of my fingers missing I wouldn't type any slower.