I like Kit-Kat, unless I'm with four or more people.

Mr. Pibb is a poor imitation of Dr. Pepper. Dude didn't even get his degree.

Waffles are like pancakes with syrup traps

I think animal crackers make people think that all animals taste the same.

The commercial for Diet Dr. Pepper says it tastes just like regular Dr. Pepper. Well, then they screwed up!

I went to England to tell jokes, and I wanted to tell my Smokey the Bear joke, but I had to ask the English people if they knew who Smokey the Bear is. But they don't. In England, Smokey the Bear is not the forest-fire-prevention representative. They have Smackie the Frog. It's a lot like a bear, but it's a frog. And that's a better system, I think we should adopt it. Because bears can be mean, but frogs are always cool. Never has there been a frog hopping toward me and I thought, "Man, I better play dead!"

Sometimes I get really lonely. Especially when I'm throwing a Frisbee.