I cannot tell you what hotel I'm staying at, but there are two trees involved.

Bologna is a deli meat for people with eyes.

When we were on acid, we would go into the woods, because there was less chance that you would run into an authority figure. But we ran into a bear. My friend Duane was there, raising his right hand, swearing to help prevent forest fires. He told me, "Mitchell, Smokey is way more intense in person!"

I got an ant farm. Them fellas didn't grow anything. Hey, how about some celery? Plus, if I tore your legs off, you would look like snowmen.

I ate one anchovy, and that is why I did not eat two anchovies.

I've always wanted to have a suitcase handcuffed to my wrist. That's not a full joke there! It's filler.

There was a product on late night TV that you could attach to your garden hose - "You can water your hard-to-reach plants with this." Who would make their plants hard to reach? That seems so very mean. I know you need water, but I'm going to make you hard to reach. "Think like a cactus!"