If Spiderman was real, and I was a criminal, and he shot me with his web, I would say, "Dude, thanks for the hammock."
Mitch HedbergI hate turkeys. If you stand in the meat section at the grocery store long enough, you start to get mad at turkeys. There's turkey ham, turkey bologna, turkey pastrami. Some one needs to tell the turkey, 'man, just be yourself.'
Mitch HedbergI saw a guy juggling chain saws, it was cool, unless something needed to be sawed down, then it's annoying.
Mitch Hedberg