Why is Cloud 9 so amazing? What is wrong with Cloud 8? That joke came off the top of my head, and the top of my head ain't funny!

I can't wait to get off the stage, because I've got some LifeSavers in my pocket and pineapple is next!

I've always wanted to have a suitcase handcuffed to my wrist. That's not a full joke there! It's filler.

I thought I'd go to a craft fair, and there would be a jar of jellybeans there - "Guess how many jellybeans are in this jar, and win a prize". Aw, come on, man, let just me have some. I'll tell you what, guess how many jellybeans I want! If you guessed a handful, you are right.

If my kid couldn't draw I'd make sure that my kitchen magnets didn't work.

I got my hair highlighted because I felt some strands were more important than others.

Snake eyes is a gambling term, and an animal term, too.