Why is Cloud 9 so amazing? What is wrong with Cloud 8? That joke came off the top of my head, and the top of my head ain't funny!

Onions make me sad. A lot of people don't realize that.

I bought a scratch off lottery ticket, but then I accidentally spilled calamine lotion on it, so it did not need to be scratched. Shoot! I will not know if I have won!

Imagine if you were a drummer, and you accidentally picked up two magic wands instead of sticks. There you are, keeping the beat, the next thing you know, your bass player turns into a can of soup.

I went to a tent store. "What kind of tent do you need?" "Circus."

I like wearing necklaces, because it lets me know when I'm upside down.

I like rice. Rice is great if you're hungry and want 2000 of something picketing, but I don't know how to show it.