Dogs are forever in the push up postion.

I wrote my friend a letter using a highlighting pen. But he could not read it, he thought I was trying to show him certain parts of a piece of paper.

Imagine if the headless horseman had a headless horse. That would be chaos. I would think that if you were the headless horseman's horse, you would be very confused. "I don't think this dude can see."

I'm against picketing, but I don't know how to show it.

If I was a mechanic and someone called me and said their car would not start, I would say, "Hey - maybe a killer is after you!"

The commercial for Diet Dr. Pepper says it tastes just like regular Dr. Pepper. Well, then they screwed up!

Has anyone seen me on Letterman? Two million people watch that show and I don't know where they are. You might have seen this next comedian on the Late Show, but I think more people have seen me at the store. That should be my introduction. "You might have seen this next comedian at the store," and people would say "Hell yes I have!"