Is a hippopotamus a hippopotamus or just a really cool opotamus?

Have you ever tried sugar or PCP?

Sometimes I get really lonely. Especially when I'm throwing a Frisbee.

I used to drink wine. This girl asked me, "Doesn't wine give you a headache?" "Yeah, eventually, but the first and the middle part are amazing!"

Pepperidge Farm bread. That's fancy bread. You can tell it's fancy because it's wrapped twice. You open it, and it still isn't open. That's why I don't buy it. I don't need another step between me and toast.

My apartment is infested with koala bears. It's the cutest infestation ever. Way better than cockroaches. When I turn on the light a bunch of koala bears scatter. But I don't want 'em to, you know, I'm like "Hey, hold on, fellas. Let me hold one of you. And feed you a leaf."

When you put Listerine in your mouth, it hurts. Germs do not go quietly.