Snake eyes is a gambling term, and an animal term, too.

I know a lot about cars, man. I can look at any car's headlights and tell you exactly which way it's coming.

Here's a thought for sweat shop owners: Air Conditioning. Problem solved.

I don't own a cell phone or a pager. I just hang around everyone I know, all the time. If someone wants to get a hold of me, they just say 'Mitch,' and I say 'what?' and turn my head slightly.

I spilled some vodka on the carpet, and I vacuumed it up, and the vacuum got drunk. I had to take the Hoover to detox.

I'm gonna fix that last joke by taking out all the words and adding new ones.

How does a sesame seed stick to a bun? That's magical. There must be some sesame seed glue out there. Either that or they're adhesive on one side. Peel off the backing, place it on the bun.