If you are flammable and have legs, you are not blocking a fire exit.

A fly was very close to being called a land, because that's what it does half the time.

I haven't slept for ten days, because that would be too long.

I tried to walk into Target, but I missed. I think the entrance to Target should have people splattered all around.

I wear a necklace, cause I wanna know when I'm upside down.

My sister wanted to be an actress, but she never made it. She does live in a trailer. She got halfway. She's an actress, she just never gets called to the set.

Foosball screwed up my perception of soccer. I though you had to kick the ball and then spin around and around. I can't do a back flip, much less several simultaneously with two other guys.