If you are flammable and have legs, you are not blocking a fire exit.

Every book is a children's book if the kid can read!

I think pickles are cucumbers that sold out. They sold their soul to the devil, and the devil is dill.

Advil has a candy coating. It's delicious. Then it says on the bottle, do not have more than two. Then why do they have a candy coating? I cannot help myself. Let me have ten Advil, I have a sweet tooth.

Last time I called shotgun we had rented a limo, so I messed up!

I have some speakers up here, thank God, because last night I didn't have them and I was telling jokes and I had no idea which joke I was telling. So I told jokes twice. I even told that one twice.

When you put Listerine in your mouth, it hurts. Germs do not go quietly.