I ordered a club sandwich, but I'm not even a member. "I like my sandwiches with three pieces of bread." "Well, so do I!" "Then let's form a club." "OK, but we need some more stipulations. Instead of cutting the sandwich once, let's cut it again. Yes, four triangles, arranged in a circle, and in the middle we will dump chips." "How do you feel about frilly toothpicks?" "I'm for 'em!" "Well, this club is formed."
Mitch HedbergI've never been to a hotel with a rotating restaurant on top, but one time I took my girlfriend to a merry-go-round, and I gave her a burrito.
Mitch HedbergI saw soda pop for $1.20 a six pack. That price messes with your head. You start thinking you're gonna sell soda pop. Suddenly I've got packs of pop with me. "Looking to buy some pop? 50 cents a can. It's not refrigerated because this is a half-assed commitment!"
Mitch HedbergI know people who believe in ghosts but donโt believe in themselves. Itโs kind of sad. Okay you donโt think youโll ever make it as a musician, but last night you saw a translucent caveman.
Mitch Hedberg