I went to a cigar store, the man behind the counter asked me, "What kind of cigars do you like?" I answered, "It's a Boys."

My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.

If you had a friend who was a tightrope walker, and you were walking down a sidewalk, and he fell, that would be completely unacceptable.

This shirt is "dry-clean only"... Which means it's dirty.

A fly was very close to being called a land, because that's what it does half the time.

I can read minds, but I'm illiterate.

The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I'll never be as good as a wall.