One could say, that #‎ Masons were raised right.

I'd rather call myself a mischief-maker, an imp, rather than a satirist. Satirist sounds so self important. Plus no one is calling himself an imp right now. It makes me feel special.

I was not a jock in high school. I know, you're shocked.

Politicians who wear little tennis socks with the balls at the back should not be taken seriously.

I know a lot about a few things - mostly useless things.

The most important thing is to write material that YOU think is funny. If you don't think it's funny, but you're convinced that other people will think it is, well they won't.

I love Christmas. Frosty the Snowman, peace on Earth and mangers, Salvation Army bell ringers and reindeer, the movie 'Meet Me in St. Louis,' office parties and cookies.