As the great philosopher George Santayana would have said, 'those who cannot remember the past . . . should simply read Jan Van Meter's Tippecanoe and Tyler Too.' Van Meter's greatest hits collection of slogans is the catchiest ever retelling of American history. It's like the greatest minds of Madison Avenue sat down to write a history book. They don't make sound bites like they used to!

I know a lot about a few things - mostly useless things.

Digital television, satellite radio, videogames, iPods - so much media. Do books even matter anymore?

When it comes to war, we focus more on the mainstream coverage of the event, rather than the event itself. People dying is never funny. Protest puppets are always funny.

Think of all that hard work our founding fathers put in - the revolutionizing, the three-fifths compromising, having to write the entire Constitution with a quill - and yet they neglected to include the right to vote.

My sophomore year I spent exactly one day on the JV football team. It was the tryout day.

It's much easier to make jokes about sensitive issues if there is some dissent, some conflict.