As the great philosopher George Santayana would have said, 'those who cannot remember the past . . . should simply read Jan Van Meter's Tippecanoe and Tyler Too.' Van Meter's greatest hits collection of slogans is the catchiest ever retelling of American history. It's like the greatest minds of Madison Avenue sat down to write a history book. They don't make sound bites like they used to!

I'm in fact a hair under six feet, but I'm very svelte. People would never see me if I turned sideways.

I was not a jock in high school. I know, you're shocked.

I'm always working on a few different stories at once, so there's always some really big coffee table book I'm carrying around.

I wish I had played team sports. I think every kid should. Teamwork builds character - teaches people about leadership and cooperation.

The most important thing is to write material that YOU think is funny. If you don't think it's funny, but you're convinced that other people will think it is, well they won't.

If there's one thing that everyone can agree on, it's that, right or wrong, they hate the press.