It's much easier to make jokes about sensitive issues if there is some dissent, some conflict.

The most important thing is to write material that YOU think is funny. If you don't think it's funny, but you're convinced that other people will think it is, well they won't.

I'm in fact a hair under six feet, but I'm very svelte. People would never see me if I turned sideways.

I still don't know how to cook and that's just unacceptable.

My sophomore year I spent exactly one day on the JV football team. It was the tryout day.

As the great philosopher George Santayana would have said, 'those who cannot remember the past . . . should simply read Jan Van Meter's Tippecanoe and Tyler Too.' Van Meter's greatest hits collection of slogans is the catchiest ever retelling of American history. It's like the greatest minds of Madison Avenue sat down to write a history book. They don't make sound bites like they used to!

Digital television, satellite radio, videogames, iPods - so much media. Do books even matter anymore?