Think of all that hard work our founding fathers put in - the revolutionizing, the three-fifths compromising, having to write the entire Constitution with a quill - and yet they neglected to include the right to vote.

Politicians who wear little tennis socks with the balls at the back should not be taken seriously.

I wish I had played team sports. I think every kid should. Teamwork builds character - teaches people about leadership and cooperation.

I'd rather call myself a mischief-maker, an imp, rather than a satirist. Satirist sounds so self important. Plus no one is calling himself an imp right now. It makes me feel special.

Wheel of Fortune was an important SAT prep for me.

I know a lot about a few things - mostly useless things.

I was way too hyperactive to study for long. I would freak out, then crash, then be too tired to read or write. I really should have had less sugar.