If I had a time machine I would go back 30 years and show up at my grandmother's apartment before the gargantuan meals she would serve and I would help her.

The most important thing is to write material that YOU think is funny. If you don't think it's funny, but you're convinced that other people will think it is, well they won't.

It's much easier to make jokes about sensitive issues if there is some dissent, some conflict.

I still don't know how to cook and that's just unacceptable.

My sophomore year I spent exactly one day on the JV football team. It was the tryout day.

If I had a time machine I would go back 30 years and show up at my grandmother's apartment before the gargantuan meals she would serve and I would help her.

I wish I had played team sports. I think every kid should. Teamwork builds character - teaches people about leadership and cooperation.