When I look out into your faces, you know what I see? I see a little bit of Elvis in each and every one of you out there.

Me and Don Henley are fast acquaintances now, or something. He actually got on stage and sang with me.

National 21 drinking age, huh, what do you think about that? A bunch of malarkey, whatever malarkey is, man, it's a whole bunch of it.

She's vibrator dependent.

I love you more than the pool hall, but not as much as football.

I love blacks and gays and latinos, as long as they don't live next door.

Dad's going steady with a pig in the barn.