Do you know why the Lord withheld the sense of humor from women? So that we may love you instead of laugh at you.

Wedlock is the deep, deep peace of the double bed after the hurly-burly of the chaise lounge.

I once undertook on behalf of a friend to smuggle a small dog through the customs. I was of ample proportions, and managed to conceal the little dog upon my person. All went well until my bosom barked.

I believe I was impatient with unintelligent people from the moment I was born: a tragedy - for I am myself three-parts a fool.

Do you know why the Lord withheld the sense of humor from women? So that we may love you instead of laugh at you.

If you can read this you can read me.

Oh dear me - it's too late to do anything but accept you and love you - but when you were quite a little boy, somebody ought to have said "hush" just once!