I once undertook on behalf of a friend to smuggle a small dog through the customs. I was of ample proportions, and managed to conceal the little dog upon my person. All went well until my bosom barked.

Oh dear me - it's too late to do anything but accept you and love you - but when you were quite a little boy, somebody ought to have said "hush" just once!

Do you know why the Lord withheld the sense of humor from women? So that we may love you instead of laugh at you.

Lillian Gish may be a charming person, but she is not Ophelia. She comes on stage as if she had been sent for to sew rings on the new curtains.

I believe I was impatient with unintelligent people from the moment I was born: a tragedy - for I am myself three-parts a fool.

I have laid my cheek upon the earth and felt it my mother's bosom.

Mrs. Campbell once attempted to smuggle her pet Pekingese through customs by tucking him inside the upper part of her cape. "Everything was going splendidly," she later remarked, "until my bosom barked."