We all know how cats feel about traveling in a car. You never see a cat with his head out the window, fur flying in the breeze. A cat is never anyone's designated driver.

Hi, this is Sylvia. I'm not at home right now, so when you hear the beep ... hang up.

Dogs are joiners; if they were guys, their idea of a good time would be to attend an Elks luncheon.

Most of us are animal lovers. We insist that we love all animals equally - the hamster, the weasel, and the zebra - but if pressed, we will admit to being either a cat person or a dog person.

Can you envision a world without men? No wrongdoing and bunches of euphoric, fat women.

My weight is always perfect for my height - which varies.

Cooking Tip: Wrap turkey leftovers in aluminum foil and throw them out.