My weight is always perfect for my height - which varies.

Getting old in America ... best to do it somewhere else.

Hi, this is Sylvia. I'm not at home right now, so when you hear the beep ... hang up.

Most of us are animal lovers. We insist that we love all animals equally - the hamster, the weasel, and the zebra - but if pressed, we will admit to being either a cat person or a dog person.

We all know how cats feel about traveling in a car. You never see a cat with his head out the window, fur flying in the breeze. A cat is never anyone's designated driver.

Can you envision a world without men? No wrongdoing and bunches of euphoric, fat women.

Cooking Tip: Wrap turkey leftovers in aluminum foil and throw them out.