In the future we'll all have 15 minutes of fame and 15 minutes of healthcare.

Dogs are joiners; if they were guys, their idea of a good time would be to attend an Elks luncheon.

Most of us are animal lovers. We insist that we love all animals equally - the hamster, the weasel, and the zebra - but if pressed, we will admit to being either a cat person or a dog person.

Can you envision a world without men? No wrongdoing and bunches of euphoric, fat women.

Hi, this is Sylvia. I'm not at home right now, so when you hear the beep ... hang up.

We all know how cats feel about traveling in a car. You never see a cat with his head out the window, fur flying in the breeze. A cat is never anyone's designated driver.

Getting old in America ... best to do it somewhere else.