You always ought to have tom cats arranged, you know - it makes 'em more companionable.

Wit is like caviar - it should be served in small portions and not spread about like marmalade.

Trust your instincts. If you have no instincts, trust your impulses.

In the first act, you get the audience's attention - once you have it, they will repay you in the second. Play through the laughs if you have to. It will only make the audience believe there are so many of them that they missed a few.

People are wrong when they say opera is not what it used to be. It is what it used to be. That is what's wrong with it.

Certain women should be struck regularly, like gongs.

Many years ago I remember a famous actress explaining to me with perfect seriousness that before making an entrance she always stood aside to allow God to go on first. I can also remember that on that particular occasion He gave a singularly uninspired performance.