My philosophy is as simple as ever - smoking, drinking, moderate sexual intercourse on a diminishing scale, reading and writing (not arithmetic). I have a selfish absorption in the well-being and achievement of Noel Coward.

It is not the eyes of others that I am wary of, but my own.

Never trust a man with short legs. His brains are too near his bottom.

Certain women should be struck regularly, like gongs.

I'm over-educated in the things I shouldn't have known at all.

Never mind, dear, we're all made the same, though some more than others.

To take a gloomy view of life is not part of my philosophy; to laugh at the idiocies of my fellow creatures is. However, at this particular moment I cannot find so much to laugh at as I would like.