My philosophy is as simple as ever - smoking, drinking, moderate sexual intercourse on a diminishing scale, reading and writing (not arithmetic). I have a selfish absorption in the well-being and achievement of Noel Coward.

I don't believe in astrology. The only stars I can blame for my failures are those that walk about the stage.

I have a memory like an elephant. In fact, elephants often consult me.

I'm over-educated in the things I shouldn't have known at all.

I can take any amount of criticism, as long as it is unqualified praise.

It's never too early for a cocktail.

Passion in a dromedary doesn't go so deep; a camel when it's mating never sobs itself to sleep.