My philosophy is as simple as ever - smoking, drinking, moderate sexual intercourse on a diminishing scale, reading and writing (not arithmetic). I have a selfish absorption in the well-being and achievement of Noel Coward.

My life really has been one long extravaganza.

In the first act, you get the audience's attention - once you have it, they will repay you in the second. Play through the laughs if you have to. It will only make the audience believe there are so many of them that they missed a few.

Star quality: I don't know what it is, but I've got it.

Certain women should be struck regularly, like gongs.

Marriage is the aftermath of love.

Mad dogs and Englishmen go out in the mid-day sun.