Many years ago I remember a famous actress explaining to me with perfect seriousness that before making an entrance she always stood aside to allow God to go on first. I can also remember that on that particular occasion He gave a singularly uninspired performance.

Television is for appearing on, not looking at.

Just say the lines and don't trip over the furniture.

Labour leaders lead us all, though we know they bleed us all. Cheer our new Decline and Fall, Gibbon might have dreamed it all.

I've sometimes thought of marrying - and then I've thought again.

My life really has been one long extravaganza.

If you must have motivation, think of your paycheck on Friday.