When you're famous you can't go to Topshop. Even when I disguise myself in a moustache, baseball cap, sunglasses - the full Madonna kit - it doesn't work: my stupid face is too big.

You know the black bits in bananas? Are they tarantulas' eggs?

I'd like to punch out a really old lady. There'd be no repercussions.

When I'm 70 I might be a man in a park just wandering around, speaking in tongues with kids throwing bread at me.

When you're quite young, your imagination's quite free.

All my friends got dogs and cats for Christmas, and I got a starfish called Roy. I used to take him down to the park on a lead.

I'm a mischievous drunk.