My mum and dad are both really funny. My granddad's really funny, my uncle's really funny, everyone's really funny. You have to be quick, otherwise you get roasted. Everyone takes the piss quite a lot. You have to be really sharp.

Trousers can never be too tight. You have to go through a couple of days of pain, then everything stretches out.

You can't just go gay, its not like buying a ladder.

Englishmen do like to get in a dress, any excuse.

I've got it all in here ultra violets, flying saucers, strawberry bootlace come on get involved.

I'm a mischievous drunk.

I could get an audience into my world and if you can do that, they'll go with you not all the way, but a lot of the way.