Trousers can never be too tight. You have to go through a couple of days of pain, then everything stretches out.

I've got it all in here ultra violets, flying saucers, strawberry bootlace come on get involved.

I don't think I'd have done comedy if I was born eighty years ago I'd have been a lord. Shooting people that were on my land With a wig, yeah. And some crisps.

When I was 13 I told my dad I'd rather kill myself than do an ordinary job. He vaguely muttered something about how I'd need to earn a living somehow, but he's been totally behind me, forking out money he didn't really have to send me to university. Every other comedian I've met had to fight their parents to be allowed to do this but mine have been brilliant.

Imagine that, a poncho sombrero combo, I'll be off my tits on happiness.

There's something amazing about tea. It's good before a meal, after a meal, when drunk, when taking drugs, while playing football and after being called a poof in the street.

When you're quite young, your imagination's quite free.