I think I should be in a film called 'Space Shrews'. Where I go to space. With a load of shrews. And nothing really happens. We just get out and have a lolly and then come back. But it'll be a musical the ship will be built out of my own hair.

There's not enough psychedelic stuff on TV. I want the world to be a bit weirder than it is. I hate reality, so I hate reality TV. But I love Columbo.

People said, ‘You must be mad, or on drugs,’ which I found a bit disappointing. What about imagination? It reflects our time that people sooner assume you’re on drugs or mad, rather than free.

We got everythin' we need here. We got Baileys, creamy, and, um... everythin' good. I'll get ya another Baileys

I did work in a bakery for one day. But the boss went off and when he came back I was lying on the floor eating cakes.

When I was a little kid I wanted to be Face. I thought, cos I had blond hair and he did too, that when I grew up I'd look like him.

If you're going to be a good standup, or a successful standup, or a standup who can work for money, you have to eliminate the possibility of dying quickly.