Laws, however divine in origin and institution, would be found of little coercion among men, were the administration of them not committed to mortals.

Reason is always weak where prejudice is strong.

We often suffer more from our fears, than from the dangers of our situation.

I'm not original, but I strive toward it as much as possible. I tried really hard on Weekend Update to do something that I considered original, which was, I tried to cut all cleverness out of the joke.

Back in the old days, a man could just get sick and die. Now they have to wage a battle. So my Uncle Bert is waging a courageous battle, which I've seen, because I go and visit him. And this is the battle: he's lying in the hospital bed, with a thing in his arm, watching Matlock on the TV.

The vanity of being asked advice often makes us confirm the opinion of those that consult us.

The first principle of solid wisdom is discretion, without it all the erudition of life is merely bagatelle.