Women of no beauty may yet be flattered to believe they possess some; others of a moderate share that they have a great deal; but those of elegance and charm generally know the perfection of their external graces so well, that they seem to covet that flattery most which heightens the opinion of their wit and judgment.

I would love to stay at SNL forever. But you can't stay in the same place. People think you're a loser.

The first principle of solid wisdom is discretion, without it all the erudition of life is merely bagatelle.

Envy, like a false mirror, distorts the symmetry of the sweetest form.

I tried to make the punchline as close to the setup as I could. And I thought that was the perfect thing. If I could make the setup and the punchline identical to each other, I would create a different kind of joke.

I never had any interest in sitcoms or motion pictures or anything like that.

Love is an artful arrangement of artless pretensions, whereby we labor to appear innocent in what we desire to be most cunning.