I'm only drinking white wine because I'm on a diet and I don't eat.

Winner gave me my bread and Russell gave me my art.

But the trouble is that when you drink it, you invariably meet other people drinking it.

I wouldn't like to see a chick of mine taking her clothes off and kissing a fellow on screen. And my girls must get very hurt when they see me doing it.

Then you get into it, especially if you start talking about football, fighting and Muhammad Ali. Then the ladies get very bored and start delivering ultimatums.

I'm only drinking white wine because I'm on a diet and I don't eat.

I would much rather end up a fertiliser under a sunflower which is eventually made into sunflower seed oil so that instead of nibbling me in her prawn cocktail, the pretty girl will rub me on her bristols as she suns herself on a beach in the Caribbean.