I like the effect drink has on me.

You get so weak from eating pears that you fall down, and then they come and take you away on a stretcher.

I would much rather end up a fertiliser under a sunflower which is eventually made into sunflower seed oil so that instead of nibbling me in her prawn cocktail, the pretty girl will rub me on her bristols as she suns herself on a beach in the Caribbean.

Winner gave me my bread and Russell gave me my art.

I do think a carpenter needs a good hammer to bang in the nail.

I have two ambitions in life: one is to drink every pub dry, the other is to sleep with every woman on earth.

I don't have a drink problem. But if that was the case and doctors told me I had to stop, I'd like to think that I would be brave enough to drink myself into the grave.