I might get drunk one day and fall in love or fall over a hooker outside, and I would have consummated a relationship that I couldn't necessarily believe in.

I would much rather end up a fertiliser under a sunflower which is eventually made into sunflower seed oil so that instead of nibbling me in her prawn cocktail, the pretty girl will rub me on her bristols as she suns herself on a beach in the Caribbean.

I wouldn't like to see a chick of mine taking her clothes off and kissing a fellow on screen. And my girls must get very hurt when they see me doing it.

If the money's right, I'll do a film.

I'm not a villain, I've never hurt anyone. I'm just a tawdry character who explodes now and again.

I do not live in the world of sobriety.

I have two ambitions in life: one is to drink every pub dry, the other is to sleep with every woman on earth.